Wow nearly a year. Please note there are trigger warning of death and sexual theme.

Well hello, can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since my last post. Today I felt I need to reach out and rant. I hope you find this helpful. Umm where do I start. Ok so I moved into my new flat in July, a council flat. It’s lovely, but those of you that know me will know that some words hurt, I told my friends I got this flat and most people were happy, but unfortunately I can’t forget what was relayed to me oh you got this flat and so many others need it, this because my parents are well off, this is my only memory now associated with my flat, and as a result, it’s made me now question everything including why some get endless amountf non urgent surgery at a click of their fingers, why they get good benefits and their house paid for depicted not have worked for the past 20 years or more, I mean is that fair?? I’ve became angry and resentful to people that sponge of the government and have no conscience, you could say that this was a huge trigger for me. How dare anyone question or moan about me getting a council flat, I’m afraid that something I’ll never forget.ive paid and worked for 27 years plus, can everyone say that that’s been awarded a council flat. As we speak I’m getting a meeting with ccg to discuss this all the perks of getting free healthcare, it’s not fair or right. I feel that I’ve had to avoid certain triggers, so choose to stay alone it’s safer. I’m not sure what to say, therapy is exhausting and I’m even ashamed of that because I have bpd I have to justify have therapy. As some think they’re missing out. Attention seekers who’s only please is going to the doctors or clinic. Grr. Then there’s jealousy people saying things like oh so and so came see me for a coffee, thinking it’ll get me jealous ha ha.ive had to put up with a lot I really have when I was well and could drive everyone wanted to know me, now I can’t well it’s fuck off, that’s fine because as bad as it get for me I’ll never let myself get to a stage where I crave as much attention. I feel empty and anxious, I feel excited and nervous. I wish I was promiscuous and slept around, I wish I could die right now so I wouldn’t have to deal with bullshitters, but I do. Next week I have a job interview so should be exciting but I don’t care if I get it, I don’t care about anything or anyone, I just wish right now I was up there. Thanks for readying x


About Maria

Me I'm a confused woman, who keeps making the same mistakes. Feel lost and broken.
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