Psychologist appointment

So today was my usual appointment with my new psychologist. Except she wasn’t new, it was the same one, I was meant to be getting a new one today, but upon arrival Kate advised me that I would still remain as her client, as she’s keeping some of her client, wow what a relief….

I don’t know whether it was this relief of Her still being my psychologist that allowed our session, to be one of the most productive to date, but I really did tell her a lot, I was so open and then got tearful. I told her how jealous I am that my friends having babies and I can’t cos of my weirdness I told her about me and Elliot, and I realised whilst talking to her, I actually really like Elliot more than I’ve ever admitted. We spoke about the new job opportunity I’ve been offered, for me to go and work six months in a massive company. But I’m scared, I’m scared of making the move to the midlands and then being alone up there.

She does challenges me in my thinking and she makes me think about why I’m having these thoughts, I hate crying and see it as a form of weakness, but last week I couldn’t stop, all week.

I know I need to start thinking about what I want, so far I’ve bummed around lived off my parents generosity and lived off profits of company my family helped me set up years ago, tbh my work offers me no challenges, I don’t like it, I need something that will make me wanna get up in the mornings.

I’m really into classical music ATM, it really helps me relax, a good friend of mine introduced me to it few weeks ago and I’m hooked now. Thank you H.E

I had a chat with my lovely friend whom I’ve been avoiding as I’ve felt so ashamed at being jealous that she’s pregnant, but today we spoke and god I’ve missed her, she really is such a lovely person, I’m blessed to have her in my life thanks K.S

And then there’s my daily dose of moosey, my friend Garry, he makes me smile even when I’m having a crap day, he’s a good mate. Thank you moosey.

I guess reading the above, my life isn’t as bad as it could be, I need to make changes, I need to control and channel my energies into something worthwhile.

But most of all I need to be truthful and start liking myself before anything. As my friend always says BABY STEPS…….

Maria x

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About Maria

Me I'm a confused woman, who keeps making the same mistakes. Feel lost and broken.
This entry was posted in borderline personality disorder, classical music, jealousy, vaginismus and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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