Time feels right

Ok, in thinking the time is right to start writing again, bit of a whirlwind of emotions really. Have volunteered to keep myself busy most of summer doing time to change and rethink events. Last weekend I was in Manchester too. Am I just postponing dealing with my fears I don’t know. Today I went to see my psychologist, I’m really liking her, her names Kate, and she really is the best one I’ve had to date, seriously, I feel it’s my chance to work with her. The psychologist tells me I have bpd, I knew this already. And Elliot my bf, he adores me so much, how the hell do I say Eli I’m not normal below, makes me sick thinking about it. I really need a change of career, I know my forte is in helping others, I’m a natural giver always have been. I feel confused and like I feel I need to push my dream, my dream is to be a professional counsellor. It’s like all my life I’ve been waiting for that spark and now I feel ignited. I have had to terminate some friendships that were damaging me to the point of suicide, and since these people haven’t been in my life, I’ve felt that I’ve flourished. My vaginismus continues to haunt me so much. Why can’t the uk be as sympathetic to this condition just like the USA is? I’m discovering tweeting too, wow I’m loving tweeting more than Facebook now. I do miss some friends dearly and whilst they’re not in my life they had a huge impact in me realising what I need to do, I wish I could thank them, but I can’t dwell on the past, I can’t anymore. I do have a future and maybe 42 years late but I got to follow my dreams.


About Maria

Me I'm a confused woman, who keeps making the same mistakes. Feel lost and broken.
This entry was posted in borderline personality disorder, vaginismus. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Time feels right

  1. Hi, My name is Brooke and I suffered with vaginismus for 11 years and I too lived in the UK before coming to Canada, so I know how difficult it is to find help there. I have finally overcome my vaginismus now and my passion is to advocate for women and see no one have to suffer with vaginismus alone anymore. I also know how it is bouncin from one professional to the other and no one knowing how to help, and having to put up with the insensitive words of professionals whp dont have a clue how to treat vaginismus. If I can be of any support to you then please let me know. Even if you just need someone to vent to, or talk things through with- I know how lonely living wwith vaginismus can be. Check out my blog too!

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